Should I feel bad?

Last night we were getting all geared up to head out on Boyd Lake here in Colorado. We live in the neighborhood adjacent to it and our HOA has a neighborhood ramp.

Earlier in the day I told a buddy of mine that we (my wife and three kiddos) were going to go out wakeboard a little. Its still pretty cold (46 deg water ) so I told him to bring his wetsuit.

At around 4 pm as we were gearing up, he calls me and says he is still an hour from home and was wondering when we were heading out. My response was "I'm not sure, like half hour to an hour. Call me when you roll into the neighborhood and if we are still loading up and putting in join us"

No phone call, so we put in. I leave the phone in the truck because I have to wade in the water to get in the boat after I unload the trailer. (dock not set up yet-thanks HOA)

As we are idling across the main channel to the waterski/wakeboarding area, I see my buddies car driving down the street that runs next to the water. Like 250 yards away. He did not stop, flash his lights or anything. I stop and wave, but he does not stop or give any response like flashing his headlights. So we speed away, and have a great time as a family. I board a little, surf a little. and just have a great time together.

Later that night. We are pulling the boat out. I get back to the truck and I see that I have 11 missed calls and 2 texts from my buddy (remember I left the phone in the truck). I guess he got all ready and suited up, and came down to the ramp but could not get us, because we didnt have our phones.

After we are done wiping down I try to call him 3 times but no answer. I call again an hour later and he finally answers and acts super butt hurt, like I killed his puppy. I apologized to him, told him we left our phones behind, and the details from our perspective.

Should I feel bad at this point? I is this his problem, or mine? What do you think? Chime in...

(Message edited by reconabe on April 22, 2009)

It's your boat and you set the time and place. He didn't make it. You should not feel bad. You offered to take him, and he felt it wasn't important enough to make it there on time. Also your time is important, he didn't respect that. Don't stress on it. Good to hear you and the wife and kids had a great time. There will be other times he can go.

Nahhh... I'm a moocher without a boat and I get bailed on all the time. If you are riding other peoples stuff you have to be cool with this sort of thing. He'll get over it and if he wants to shred behind your boat again he'll make nice.... and if not, who cares... you still have your boat.

That happens, he'll get over it. I did that too and I felt bad but I really don't like having my phone on me in the boat.

On the flip side I have had a many a third commit to going out with us and they don't show up. We end up kicking it on the boat or not going at all and we are never butt hurt about that.

Don't worry about it and just explain it to him.

My rules are - I give you the time and place to be. You have a ten minute grace period and then I'm gone. My boat, my rules.

Yeah...the entire 'I'm entitled to ride on your boat at my leisure' attitude has no business being in my boat. When I was still a mooch, I made sure to show up early and take a book or camera or something to spend the time just to make sure I was not the limiting factor in their departure time. If I was you I'd still feel bad, and if I was him I know I'd be disappointed, but to get mad over it...sheesh, I didn't know such wusses even were allowed to live in Colorado...all my friends there were awesome.

It's your boat and you set the time and place. He didn't make it. You should not feel bad. You offered to take him, and he felt it wasn't important enough to make it there on time. Also your time is important, he didn't respect that. Don't stress on it. Good to hear you and the wife and kids had a great time. There will be other times he can go.


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i read that and was like "wow that soudns just like my dad" then i read the name. lmao. i agree with my dad though

If you had a set time and he was clearly late, I wouldn't have any pangs of guilt. Now if the time was somewhat fluid (leave in 30 - 60 minutes) and I saw him driving as I was idling away, I would have waited the extra couple of minutes to pick him up.

We have the problem where people think they can just show up at any time of the day, call us, and expect us to drop what we're doing (which means we usually have a boarder in the water) and drive 1-2 miles to pick them up. THEN they have the nerve to ride and say they have to leave after a couple hours.

I don't mind giving people a pull and they usually give gas money but I do not like having to shuttle people around all day, and I do not like that all the prep work and cleanup work is avoided by them. It is just so easy and convenient for them.

Oh, and if they call sometimes I do not hear them right away. Sometimes they wait a half hour or so and get pissy. I have even had someone call me ONE TIME, then leave after five minutes because we did not return the call. I told him it's a loud boat and we can't always hear the phone. Sheesh.

I told him it's a loud boat and we can't always hear the phone. Sheesh.

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seriously. when youve got tower speakers you cant even hear the spotter screming down. your not going to hear a phone in the glove compartment

Well, you did tell him "to call me when you get to the ramp" and that's what he did. He probably did not see you. Oh well, if he is a good friend he will get over it.

"My rules are - I give you the time and place to be. You have a ten minute grace period and then I'm gone. My boat, my rules."

Basically my rules too but I always have a phone in the boat and will make an exception and pick people up at the ramp that didn't make it but again I tell them when to be at the ramp to expect us and if they're not there that's basically it until the next time we go out. I don't try to be an @ss about it but imo if someone wants to ride behind your boat then they should respect the rules

Cliff, you're nice lol I on the other hand have no grace period. I always take the time to goto the gas station, and fill the cans before anyone gets there then put them in. I HATE PUTTING GAS IN THE BOAT but i do it anyhow just to save time, but when i do all of this to prepare, if you are not on time, you are not on the boat. I am very very very punctual person and I personally find no reason for anyone to ever be late. If you say you are going to be there at 12, be there at 12. We don't ride at 6am. I live on a private lake that will most likely be us and one other boat so there is no need. Just don't show up at 12:45 and say "i had to get some sh*t done first, sorry". Doesn't fly.

In this scenario, it seems like the guy is being a little over sensitive. It is not your fault, I leave my phone in the house over 50% of the time when I head out on the boat. One summer I lost three phones to lake magdalene and vowed never to bring my phone again. I of course forget sometimes about my own rule and bring it but generally I don't. Now if one of my buddies is late, we will go pick him up from the dock, but I wait till the persons set is over so they get to sit there and watch for a while.

We ride on weekday evenings in the summer (generally after 530 pm) so time is precious. If we invite someone to go and there not there within 30 minutes of the boat is loaded, gassed, and launched see you next time. We have been riding like this for the past few years so everyone that is a regular knows the drill.

But I wouldn't worry about the guy who was late and feelings got hurt. Look at it this way, if the roles were reversed would he have done the same and left you, my guess is yes.

I didn't read any of the responses, but as a 3rd it is your duty to make everything easier for the others. In return you get a pull.

You shouldn't feel bad, but I wonder about you seeing him and waving, but not going any further because he did not flash his lights. Is this the special call? Does he know it is the special, "Go back to the dock, you obviously know I'm here, pick me up real quick" signal?

My Rule is we dont wait. I am there to wakeboard for me, not to wait around for my stupid slow ass friends to show up.

If I was the guy who was late, I would definately not want you to wait for me. I'd feel horrible if I was holding up the crew because they were waiting for me. Get your riding in, there will be other days...

Stuff like that sucks for sure, but it happens. After one ride session your buddy will forget all about it.

You shouldn't feel bad. You let him know ahead of time he might not make the launch schedule.

That being said, I'm a little confused. Does your buddy live an hour away? More to the point, is there any other reason he'd be on that road other than to meet you at the dock? If it were me (and that's a big "if") and I thought there was a strong possibility he was heading to the ramp and it wasn't too much a hassle to get to the ramp, I would've taken a moment to check it out. I wouldn't trust lack of signaling since he might not notice it.

The only other thing that confuses me is why you didn't just put the phone in the boat before dropping in but that's not really relevant to the story. It's not your responsibility to keep proper contact after you've already launched.

Nope, don't feel bad. You're doing him a favor by inviting him out. If he gets pissy, he's starting to take that opportunity for granted.

Plus I hate when the docks aren't in yet. Nothing like a preview of how cold the water feels before you even board.

I have been on both sides of this topic for a long time and lately I have been the one bumming rides. Personally I would have waited unless I was on a serious time constraint and would have let my buddy know what the deal was from the get go and told him that there would be other days. If there is no time constraint I have no problem waiting for a while.

Having said that I wouldnt feel too bad, just next time be honest about it frolm the get go.

"My rules are - I give you the time and place to be. You have a ten minute grace period and then I'm gone. My boat, my rules."

Unless you are the third, then we have no choice because we want to ride

I love how everyone takes the attitude "screw him my boat my rules" "I would feel horrible if I held a creww up" Pfftt! Like all of you people have never been late somewhere for one reason or another!

I mean I wouldn't lose sleep over leaving him but I would definately feel bad if I invited him out and he couldn't even get in touch? What if he had driven a good distance just to wakeboard. I think the whole my "boat my rules" argument is completely selfish and rude. Especially given all the PC crap I read day in and day out on these forums.

You saw him driving along and still didn't try to get inn touch? He has a little reason to be upset. Not be a baby but be upset. It is plain rude to invite someone and then because he was a few minutes late say "screw him" he is late. You had him come out in the first place. If I ran into some traffic that was unavoidable after I commited my afternoon, yes I would be a little miffed.

Now if he was 40 minutes late or more on an afternoon with not much daylight to begin with, maybe. All circumstances are a little different.

I agree with gene.....if I see my "buddy" while I am still out only idling away....I return to pick him up, end of story, its my buddy right?. Sh......t happens!

When I invite friends, I tell them we'll be leaving at 8am when we are actually leaving at 9am so they won't be late, but sadly they still show up around 9:30.

you should always bring a phone in the boat incase something happens... just my opinion

I think what you guys are missing is the whole conversation they had from the beginning when they made plans. The "Buddy" told Abe that he was going to be later than the original launch time. So it wasnt that he was accidentally late. The "buddy" was told to come on out and call Abe when he got in town. If Abe knew that he was going to leave the phone in the truck and go on out from the get go he should have let that be clear. I think that the whole my boat my rules deal is very selfish. You guys are a bunch of di(ks about that

(Message edited by westsidarider on April 22, 2009)

Wow, I was not expecting this many responses.

let me clarify a few points.

this guys lives in my neighborhood.

I stopped in the water and waved at him, but got no response back.

It was pretty late in the afternoon already.

I appreciate all the responses. I am over it.